- When people dabble with the Occult their urine will suddenly begin smelling of lavender or tobacco depending upon what type of Dark Art they are practicing. Be sure to sniff the toilet seat directly after your suspect has finished using the restroom to gain insight into their affiliation with Satan.
- Occultists are known to repeatedly slap themselves on the forehead when under stress. If your suspect even does as much as scratch his head more than 5 times a day, then you must immediately report him to your local church.
- In order to practice the occult properly, one must begin to consume vast amounts of booze in order to see demons more clearly. If the suspect is repeatedly coming home drunk or has stacks of liquor bottles hidden away in their room, then they are definitely involved in the occult.
- Be sure to observe how the suspects shakes hands with other people in public. If his handshake is limp wristed then not only is he a homosexual, but he’s also into the Occult.
- All Occultists develop inverse assholes after a few months of practicing the Dark Arts. Scientists are still baffled about why this occurs but it’s definitely a tell-tale sign that he’s into something he shouldn’t be.
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